Mirror Image

Sometimes things are not as they appear. Sometimes we are not as we appear to ourselves.

I had to have some photos taken for an ID card that needed updating for some voluntary work. I went to one of those digital photo booths where you put your coins in and sit and smile at yourself in a mirror until you are (relatively) happy with how you look. I was offered a choice of 3 shots - but, none of them looked like me. More to the point, none of them looked the way I had seen myself in the mirror. The images were reversed.

That's when I realised - what we see in the mirror is always the opposite way round to how other people see us. What we are seeing isn't real. It's an illusion.

Have you ever listened to your own voice on a voicemail message? Mine doesn't sound like me at all - at least not the way I hear my voice inside my head.

So how much of what we perceive about ourselves is real? If what we see and what we hear can't be relied upon, what can? Our beliefs about who we are or who we are not? What we can and what we can't do?

This is great news for those of us who spend too much time judging ourselves, doubting ourselves - maybe we've got it all wrong. Maybe our own judgment is the complete opposite of what others see and hear.

Take time to answer these questions:

1. What complimentary things do other people say about you that you find hard to believe?
2. If you knew that other people saw more in you than you do yourself, what would you do differently ?
3. If you knew that other people heard more wisdom in what you say than you do, what would that mean to you ?
4. If you knew that other people felt more confidence in you than you do yourself, what's the first thing you would do ?

How do you do this EFT thing - 2?

Basically, you tap a sequence of points on your body while focusing on what is troubling you.  Here's a diagram of the basic points.

The sequence is: 
Eyebrow, Outside of eye, Under eye, Under nose, Above chin, Collar bone, Under arm, Thumb, Index finger, Middle finger, Little finger.

Then there is the Gamut point (the x on the diagram) - I'll explain more about this later.


First - know what's troubling you.

• Describe it clearly and precisely in a few words (I'll give some examples later).
• Guess on a scale of 0-10 how strongly troubled you are feeling.  0 is not at all, 10 is very much so.

Second - the Set Up statement.

• "Even though I feel this [whatever my trouble is], I'm OK."  Say this to yourself 3 times while tapping on the karate point (the black spot shown above on the side edge of your hand).

 Third - the Routine

• Make a "reminder phrase" - "that awful day", "this anger", "this nervousness"
• Tap about 7 times on each of the basic points in the sequence while saying your reminder phrase (out loud or silently). 
• Tap on the Gamut point while you do this little extra routine - shut your eyes tight, open them wide, circle them one way round, circle them the other way round, hum a few notes of a tune (Happy birthday to you maybe), count to 5, hum a few more notes of your tune.
• Do it again - tap all the basic points in the sequence saying the reminder phrase.

Fourth - measure how you feel now

• on a scale of 0-10, how do you feel now?
• is there any difference?
• keep going until you get down to a zero.

As simple as that.  It works.  And even if you don't believe it will work, it works.  So it's worth giving it a try.

The question is, what is troubling you that you'd like to tap away?

How do you do this EFT thing?

What do you know already about EFT? Have you seen anyone "tapping"? Maybe you've seen Paul McKenna using it. Or Dr Carol Look, Dr Pat Carrington? It's been described as one of the most important tools for change and I can believe it because I've seen it work in many different situations.

EFT was developed by the master, Gary Craig - the original version and complete training can be found at his website www.emofree.com. He has vast resources there, for those of you who want to study it in detail and maybe become EFT practitioners yourselves. I am going to teach you a shortcut version here, which I've had extraordinary results with.

As Gary says, "EFT is based on new discoveries regarding the connection between your body's subtle energies, your emotions, and your health. EFT has been reported successful in thousands of cases covering a huge range of emotional, health and performance issues. It often works where nothing else will."

First he teaches that all negative emotions and behaviors, and many of the physical discomforts that they cause, are the result of disruptions to your body's energy system. Think of your body like a computer - to run smoothly the hardware and software have to work together to create good connections. If there's a disruption in the connections, you get an error message which stops you in your tracks till it's fixed.

EFT works on the disruptions in your body's energy system. It's like reprogramming your computer so that it can run properly again.

Helping everyone else but yourself?

I've spent most of my adult life trying to make the right decision so that everyone (my family mostly) is safe and happy. I've felt a bit like a meerkat - keeping watch over everyone else, looking out for danger, making sure they are fed, clothed, housed and cared for properly. In every new situation I have to check out the dangers as well as the possibilities. That's just the way I am.

I never gave this much thought - I was too busy raising my children, doing my job, looking after my home, cooking meals, all the usual stuff.

Then one morning, while rushing to get ready for work I decided to take the rubbish out to the bins. One more quick job to fit in before leaving the house. It was raining outside and I didn't notice that my shoes were wet when I was taking the bin back into the kitchen ... where we had ceramic tiles ... and then I slipped ... and broke my leg. End result? Six weeks at home on the sofa recuperating.

During those six weeks I learned to slow down. It was March 1998, the rest of the family were out at work or school and I finally had time to think about myself and what I wanted to do. The end result was that I started my training as a massage and aromatherapist , life coach and EFT practitioner.

All the training I've done has taught me one very important thing - to listen to my intuition. My body knew I was pushing it too hard. I just wasn't listening, so it had to shout pretty loud to get my attention.

My life changed then - and I began to learn more about myself and how the world really works.

I learned that "what you believe is true" (meaning that we see the world through our own filters). I believed that I "had to" be the one to hold everything together at home - till I learned that the world didn't fall apart if I stopped. In fact it got better when I started doing less. When I got out of my own way.

I learned that "what you focus on, you get more of" (the Law of Attraction - thank you Abraham-Hicks). My focus was on how many things I had to fit in to my day - and of course there was always something else that needed doing. It was endless. When my focus shifted to just getting better, I got better. When I concentrated on giving myself time to recharge my batteries, I found I had more energy. Sounds obvious now, but at the time, stuck in the thick of it all, I really couldn't see the wood for the trees.

I learned to "perfect my environment" (thank you Thomas Leonard). My environment affects how I interact with the world. If my desk is cluttered, so is my mind. I limit the time I spend at parties because crowds and noise overwhelm me - I'm happier sitting at a table with a few friends.

I've learned to "be sensitive". Now I know that my natural tendency to notice danger is just a part of my increasing awareness, my increasing sensitivity to everything around me. So sensitive is good - using all my senses: sight, smell, hearing, touch, feeling and intuition.

And most recently I've learned that the problems I've had in my life are things I've been holding on to - things I now know I can let go of, using EFT (thank you Gary Craig and Jenny Cox). I don't have to be angry any more about something that happened in the past - I can tap it away. I don't have to feel awful any more about failing at something - I can tap it away. I don't have to feel too scared to do something new that takes me out of my comfort zone - I can tap it away.

So how do you do this EFT thing? I'll tell you in the next post ...